Tayyaba Joyia's blog

This is your Post by Email address

Test post

My new hostel

02082010348.jpg

Flowers at my home :-)

28072010285

Restlessness

Not in a mood to compose my writing very neatly.
Its 9th of ramadan. Sitting On the roof of my hostel. Its about 1am. Although at this time i fear coming on the roof but no fear near me at this time. Its all black around me. Feeling tore. Something is tearing my heart. . . Thoughts don't leave me. Although i remain happy. The colors of life are glittering. There's big increase in the number of my friends but with each passing day i feel left. I feel there's no reason for me to live this life. . .
The weather is really amazing. My favourite moments regarding weather. It seems as if it'll rain. First time in my life i'm getting attracted towards The light sparks at the sky in night. . . But the condition of my heart isn't good enough. Secondly two hour walk was really hectic.
These days i don't like texting. Not much interested in talking and sharing matters with even best friends. The friends with whom i used to share everything.
I'm having the feelings of grown up individual. So its also the reason i don't feel like sharing my issues with others. . . Even a friend had been asking me to update my blogs. But i feel nothing is left to write. I really pray to Allah to give me patience. And thats the only wish which i feel i should make

Just Friends? (dedication to a friend)

(the lines are not written By me but i strongly feel these words are written For me)

I love you more everyday,
My name i long for you to say.

Do you know just how i feel?
Do you know this love is real?

Sometimes I wonder what you think.
When you hear my name, do your cheeks turn pink?

Do you dream about me every night?
Do you think we're meant to be?
Together forever, you and me?

These are the questions that run through my mind,
Your way into my heart you did find.

It drives me crazy as to what i should do,
Should i risk friendship and confess to you?

Or should i keep my feelings inside,
Keep them lockedup, let them hide?

I just don't know what to do anymore,
My heart it aches, my heart it's sore.

I love you more than you could know,
And i don't want to ever let you go.

So even if I'm just a friend,
I'll always love you until the end.

By: LeAnNe

 

reasons...

us shaguftagi k murjhaanay ki wajoohaat hen kaafi,
is dil k toot jaane k sabab bohat hen.

jo dil me aaya keh daala,
ab zabaan kolagaam k ehal bohat hen.

ishaaray

kehne ko us ne kuch na kaha,
ishaaron me magarbaten bohat keen.

muje karne ko or kuch na tha,
ik ik lafz ki magar taabeerain bohat kin.

sunnay ko kuch na tha,
magarsamajnay ko bohat kuch.

kuch un-kahay qissay suna daale us ne,
kuch kahi baten un-kahi kar deen.

ye ishaaron ki duniya sa koi kahan zalim he,
pachtaava he garsamjo to, na samjo to bi galti.

ik hi sabak he seekha mene.......
jo bola nahin wo raakh, garzabaan pe he to mehaz afsana-e-khaak.

hardour me mene khud ko parkha magar,
tashbeeh-o- ishaare ne mujko tabaah kar daala.

ab halat aisi ho gai he koi jo be karle,
yaheek nahin hota zubaani bayaan tak.

haan ye sach he mera,
kehne ka matlab or tha, likhne ka or.

magar karne ka maqsad kuch na tha...
shayed yehi thaishaaron ka dour.

Ae kaash

Ae kaash ik bar to us ne mera bi apne pyaaron me naam liya hota. . . .

Is karam nawazi k badlay mene us ko apna jahaan diya hota. . . .

Jo pareshani ka sabab poochte to haal e dil bayaan kiya hota. . . . .

Wo to teri sang dili se tang a gae warna, ham ne aj ye zehar na piya
hota. . . . .

Me and my illness (last)

I faced many problems due to remaining so much ill. Now at the end,
i'll mention the disadvantages or the drawbacks of my illness.
First of all the biggest disadvantage caused was when i was in class 2
(second standard) and i couldn't go school to appear in my final exams
and finally the drawback was that i had to repeat that class. I
remember my parents did so many efforts but my principle refused and i
had to repeat that class :( :( :( i lost most of my friends. My
company was changed. And my new classmates thought that i'm not a
capable student so i'm repeating i.e. I failed my exams. Some of them
used to taunt me so much and i didn't like it.
Secondly, as i've mentioned earlier, i lost the charms of many
functions :( i missed many tours. Most of the times, i used to remain
ill so i couldn't enjoy the functions. Couldn't dance at mehandis. Had
to wear so many sweaters even with fancy dresses. I can't forget the
time when i was left in sheikhupura only because i was ill :( and all
my cousins went Murree, Azad Kashmir and many other hilly areas of
Pakistan. I was so jealous when i saw the snaps :(
then another problem is that i've got so many moles on my skin due to
extra exposure to sunlight :( i've got a skin problem. My moles keep
increasing now. I was always kept in sunlight throughout the winters
to keep me warm.
Another assumption is that most of my friends and family members say
that i gained weight because i had been taking very high potency
medicine at a very early age and then i constantly used them. Although
i don't agree to this assumption but it really might be true that the
medicine made me fat :-P
the last problem i faced is that i always face the problem that my
hands, feet, eyes keep burning. Remain very hot. My eyes are unfresh
although i drink too much water but medicines burnt me. My eyes are
yellow :(
i cant do fashion in winters :( i need to very heavily cover me. I
cant drink much milk. Specially in winters. When i drink milk and
sleep, my all veins, neck, throat, nose everything gets blocked!!
I need to remain very very careful. I hope i'll succeed in killing
this disease :-)

Me and my illness (2)

And the next day she came to me in astonishment. I didn't know she
heard me all the night. She said girl i was so scared that you can
pass any time. You're really very strong. Aysha was the one who had
been very very very caring that time. No matter what what i do for
her, I can never return her for that time. I didn't go university for
so many days.
Whenever i'm ill, i call my parents from hostel that i'm ill, they
both turn very upset. I remember when my friends told my parents about
my sickness, abu was shouting at phone 'ye meri beti kisi ki bat to
maan hi nahin sakti na. Mene isko bohat mana kiya tha k lahore college
hi thik he. Pindi itna door mat jao. Yahan hamari jan azaab me ai
rehti he' and at the end he said slowly 'is ko kahin le jao beta. Is
ka khayal rakhna'. I was shifted at baray abu's home for a week. Met a
police physician there who advised me tablet "montika" for allergy.
And banned my morning and evening walk because he said pollen are very
active at those times. That tablet remained very effective and his
advise too.
I remember the days when i was kept in sunlight for the whole days. I
was given bath after weeks. I used to wear double caps and jackets in
school. Over packed as compared to other kids. Even from my childhood,
i remembered the names of my medicine and my doctors. Ami sometimes
tell me how i pronounced some of my medicine. Ventolin was usually
given to me for my breathing. Then Butamin. Nebulizing was regular.
Inhaler was in my pocket all the time. Strepsils is the most chewed
toffee. Erythrocine, hydrillin, benadryll, phanergan were all time
syrups with me. I'm much thankful to Allah that i'm much recovered
now. But i can't forget the nights when i used to have even five
pillows under my neck to ease my breaths.
I didn't let ami and pupho all the night. Even didn't let them turn
their face. I forced them to keep their eyes open and keep their face
on my side. If they slept, i woke them up again.
Some funny incidents are also linked with my illness. Once i remember
pupho took me to the doctor (his name was asghar) and fortunately i
got some time to talk with him in loneliness. I told him that no one
allows me to eat my favorite food. They all stop me from eating
whatever i like. I cant drink tasteless 'yakhni' all the time
secondly, they dont let me play (i always was stopped from touching
mud or clay because its cold in winters but i was always attracted
towards it). And he was very nice. He advised my pupho that i'll
recover soon if i'll be given my desired food ato eat :-) :-) :-) and
allowed to do what i want. I remember that day was very lucky for me
pupho took me for shopping and i was given whatever i pointed :-) i
was allowed to eat all the fried things and everyone wondered that i
really recovered soon that time :-) abu says that he never remained
that much worried for anything else. You're my baby who made me think
too much. He used to keep thinking for hours when i got my foot
operated due to clots in it. I couldn't walk. I lost the charms of so
many functions of my family. At even fatima baji's wedding i was ill.
I wore highnecks with lehangd :D :D
everyone praise me that i'm a brave girl i fought for so long with my
illness. But i think its not my bravery. Its just life. I had to
remain alive because i had to spend the written days of my life. . .
I'm happy that i don't get that much ill now there're many factors for
that. My care, my age, the anti allergic tablet. The cleaner
environment in Pindi & islamabad. Small cuts or wounds aren't a
problem for me now. I can take big capsules. I take so much care of me
specially when i'm at hostel. Thats the reason i think that i don't
get much ill there and when i come home, i turn so careless like these
days so i'm ill again. I had been eating 'achaar' (pickle) when there
was no one to stop me! But i'm planning to really stop being careless
because otherwise this 'bimari' wont leave me